


It's Your Fault

by unitchiefwives



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, drunk, ladies night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-29 23:59:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17817992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unitchiefwives/pseuds/unitchiefwives
Summary: A ladies night ensues and the more Mendoza gets mentioned the more JJ drinks. What happens when Tara notices JJ's behavior and mentions the one thing to drunk Emily that sets the rest of the night off down a spiral?





	It's Your Fault

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if this sucks, I haven't written in a while but I needed to let this out because this ship deserves better than what CM gave

“Emily, I heard that you got a date with Mendoza?” Tara took a sip of her wine and smiled because ever since she’d met the brunette she’d known of only Mark and didn’t even know that had ended. She was honestly rooting for her to meet someone because she hated to admit it, but she needed to. Emily took a sip of her own wine and just rolled her eyes with a smile, “Maybe.” Garcia and JJ were there as well. Garcia was eager to know what was going on so she playfully slapped Emily on her arm, “You didn’t tell me this,” she pointed to Tara, “How did you hear about this?” then she turned to JJ, “You had to of known?” JJ threw her hands up in the air and then chugged down her entire glass of wine once the attention was directed back to Tara. 

No one saw her down it thank goodness. Tara just looked at Emily and then at everyone else, “I just overheard a conversation he was having with one of his team members. He really likes you Prentiss.” Emily took a bite of cheese off of the plate between all of them and smiled, “He’s pretty charming I do have to admit that.” the brunette looked over at JJ who seemed slightly agitated. She wasn’t going to bother her about it for now, it was probably something she should open up to Will about anyways. 

Garcia looked at Emily again, “Honestly Emily, how did I not know of this?” Emily took yet another sip, “Hey, he just asked not too long ago,” she turned to Tara who threw her hands up, “Hey, I was curious myself.” out of the four, three of them started laughing. Tara realized something off about JJ as she didn’t laugh with the rest of them. The blonde gave a small and quick smile to her once she was caught but it didn’t keep Tara from wondering. 

JJ realized the wine was gone so she got up, “Ladies, I’m gonna go get more wine.” Garcia was a little tipsy so she pointed at JJ and slightly slurred her words, “Yes buttercup! Go get more amazing wine.” she pointed to her empty glass and looked at it intensely, “I love you, you hold happiness.” JJ slipped into the kitchen and smiled to herself at tipsy Garcia because she was honestly so funny. She snuck into Emily’s freezer before heading down to the cellar to take a few shots of some vodka she’d secretly brought. To be fair, she was going to leave it as a surprise present for Emily since it was the brand they first shared together years ago. Instead, she was going to slowly down it during that ladies night because it had taken a Mendoza turn. 

After taking about three shots she finally headed to the cellar. She looked through all the options and luckily Emily had all their favorite kind. She grabbed a bottle of that and then another of one they semi didn’t hate. They were going to be too drunk to care by then anyway. Realizing the alcohol was gradually hitting her, she walked carefully back up the stairs to Emily’s front room. She saw the three of them just laughing up a storm. Overhearing them talk about Mendoza and what Emily should wear under after the next few dates, JJ slid down the closed basement door setting the bottles down and putting her head between her knees. 

By this time she was for sure between tipsy and drunk and that means she was close to having to stop herself from telling Emily the truth. Thank goodness they’d been friends for a while and she’d learned to keep her mouth shut easier, but it still wasn’t ideal. It was a constant battle of having to basically yell at herself to not ruin her children's lives by divorcing their father for the person she had loved ever since they first met. She couldn’t do that to them, or to Will. He was a good father...just not a good husband. 

After hearing them ask about where she was she got up, not elegantly, and headed in there. Garcia smiled, “We were just asking about you JJ, oooo wine!” she took the bottles and started refilling the glasses. As JJ struggled to sit down in her chair. Emily didn’t notice because she was semi-carrying a conversation with Garcia, but Tara noticed. She observed the blonde's actions with first noticing that she was significantly drunk and they hadn’t even drank enough which meant she had snuck significantly more alcohol somewhere. The question that Tara was asking was, what was it that was making JJ drink so much. She honestly hadn’t seen JJ drink that much since she’d join. 

Taking a step back through the night and letting JJ be, for now, she came to a realization once Mendoza was mentioned again. At the sound of his name, she could physically see JJ cringe just a little bit and not even try to acknowledge him. Tara thought back to when Emily needed their help years ago and she mentioned Mark, JJ did the same thing. Tara could only wonder why JJ wouldn’t want to talk about Emily’s love life and/or anyone in it. 

She kept racking her brain but nothing made sense because there was no way that she liked the brunette, also known as their boss. Then again, Tara thought to herself, they were teammates and on the same level for many years before she even came in. She sat there, probably the soberest one, thinking about how she was going to ask Garcia if they had a past because if anyone would know that, Garcia would be the one. 

Tara made a decision to not get drunk that night, instead, she was going to pay attention to drunk Emily and JJ to see if that would help explain anything. People are the most relaxed and open when they’re drunk. Maybe she could get something out of PG as well. It wasn’t that she was trying to mess with their personal lives it’s just that one of her friends is drinking heavily which is irregular and it could be caused by another one of her friends. All Tara wanted to do was help, and that’s what she was going to do. 

The night continued on and JJ’s anger was getting quietly worse. It got to the point that she was digging her nails into her palms. She seemed to be in her own world of pain. It’s like she was blaming herself. Tara had no idea on JJ’s love story with Will or even Emily’s love life stories. She honestly didn’t care, but there was definitely something in both of them that correlated because the more Emily got drunk she realized she talked less about guys and more about trying to bring JJ back into the conversation. 

The night carried on as they were deep in their third bottle of wine. Tara recalled JJ leaving multiple times to which she assumed was the resource of her other alcohol intake. On about the third time she decided to follow the blonde into the kitchen. As she walked in she caught her knee deep in a bottle of vodka, “JJ, how full was that when you opened it?” 

She shoved the bottle back in the freezer and turned quickly towards the sound of the other agent's voice, “Hey Tara.” she was a happy drunk so guess who started giggling. Tara walked over to her and made her sit at the island in the kitchen. Once they were both sitting down she decided to ask some questions, “Are you okay?” with an obvious sarcastic smile JJ replied with a sad laugh, “I’m doing FANtastic.” 

Taking a short look at her, Tara could tell that was a fat lie so she left the blonde to just freely talk. She heard and listened to a load of things including JJ’s kids, her mom, and Will, but oddly after Will came an interesting sentence, “I just wish I could go back to Paris.”

Tara sat back and wondered what happened in Paris, it obviously wasn’t Will related as she would have connected it to talk about him...Paris was just so random. She put that in the back of her head and brought JJ back out with the rest of them. Garcia ran to JJ and engulfed her in a hug, “BUTTERCUP!” and then sat back down roughly as she grabbed a piece of cheese. 

JJ gave a fake smile because she didn’t want to mess with anyone at the moment or have anyone call her out….her laughter stage settled and she began to try and act sober. It wasn’t working perfectly well, but she wasn’t acting as drunk as before. She did in college once, walk into the dining hall hammered right past the police on duty and didn’t get caught. 

She was sipping her wine watching Tara join back into the conversation with the other two when suddenly Tara spoke the one thing she thought she didn’t catch onto. “So Emily, I know you have been to Paris...has anyone on the team ever visited you?” Emily laughed a bit and said something she probably shouldn’t have, “Yeah, JJ took me the first time when no one else on the team knew I was alive. It’s actually where we had our first kiss.” everyone’s mouths dropped and JJ was pissed. The brunette was too drunk to realize what she had done, but Tara knew exactly what was wrong now. 

The blonde was too drunk to storm off but she made it loud and clear she was not okay, “That’s it Emily!” she slammed her fists on the table, “YOU, were the one who left again as soon as you had the chance. Out of everyone, you have no right to even talk about that time in our lives.” She was drunk and started letting out everything, “I’m so tired of keeping it all in. Whenever Mendoza is mentioned I cringe a little because you’re the reason we never took our chance. You left me Emily and if you want to know why I’ve been acting weird since you came back it’s because I don’t fully trust you like I used to.” her face was turning red but she wasn’t done yet, “You know what the worst part is, it’s that no matter what you do I still feel safe by your touch, your laugh, your smile. Every time you choose me to be with you on a case I feel a small ounce of hope.” she flopped down on her chair and sat there in defeat. 

Emily was too drunk to feel like it was her fault so the brunette went off as well, “My fault JJ? You basically shunned me with Will. Every time I saw you two together I put on a fake smile and pretended I was okay. It’s what I do best. The reason we aren’t together is that when I told you to choose him, you didn’t even think for a second and went right for him. That’s where it started and all went wrong so don’t tell me how I can and cannot feel Jennifer.” 

Tara rushed up to JJ as she looked like she was gonna pound Emily’s face. She got to her but JJ cooled off, “It’s fine.” Tara looked at her, “Tara I’m fine,” she paused for a second and then looked at Emily, “I could never hurt her,” she looked down at the ground, “Because I still love her.” 

Penelope was wasted so she started crying. Tara looked at her in confusion, “Garcia are you okay?” as she sobbed she tried to get the words out, “I...I just….I knew they loved each other.” she continued sobbing and the rest of them just looked at her in confusion. There was silence for a few minutes until Emily spoke, “I could never hurt you either…” her voice trailed off. She got up and sat on her couch putting her head between her knees. Tara looked at JJ, “Are you sure you’re good?” JJ nodded in agreement and before she knew it she was sitting next to Emily, “You know, something was off with JJ earlier on in the night. Emily, I have one question and I need you to answer it truthfully.” the brunette hesitated but nodded, “Emily, do you still love her?” 

Her head lifted and she turned to face Tara with watery eyes and slightly bit her lip, “Of course I do, I never stopped.” she returned her head down and Tara got back up heading to JJ, “Blondie, to be truthful, Garcia is way too gone to help so you’re both stuck with me. It’s on both of you, and you need to talk it out.”

JJ was just angrily looking down at the table, “I don’t think I can.” she took a deep breath then cursed a little before getting up as the guilt hit her, “Fine, but only because one of us needs to be the bigger person.” 

The blonde sat next to Emily. She didn’t speak for a little bit which gave them both time to chill out. She gathered her thoughts and finally spoke, “You hurt me Em, when you told me to go for Will...I thought that meant you didn’t want me. Then when Paris hit we were happy again and we got into our own little world. Yes, I didn’t get to see you much after that but to me Paris meant everything. Then, you left me again when you came back the second time and realized that we, that I, wasn’t good enough for you.” 

Emily turned to JJ, “It was never that, you are perfect. It was me personally not feeling attached anymore and I thought that since you told us about Will proposing that there wasn’t a point to me staying. I wanted you to be happy and I thought you felt that way with him.” she was still looking at JJ and was about to turn her head until she heard her speak, “I would have been happy with you from the beginning and everytime after that,” JJ laughed sarcastically, “Emily, our feelings never left we just tried to cover them up. We both went across the world to save each other...I think that no matter what we are always going to have these feelings.”

Emily muffled her voice as she went back to having her head between her knees and her hands to her mouth, “I hate feelings because we screwed everything up so much that there’s nothing we can do. You have Will and now I guess I have Mendoza.” 

“Em, we can figure something out.” JJ was trying so hard to be optimistic even though she didn’t feel that way herself. She honestly had a huge feeling this conversation was only going to make things worse. She put a hand on the brunettes knee waiting for a response. It didn’t happen for a while but when it did, it crushed JJ. Emily moved the blonde's hand abruptly, “Jennifer, we lost our chance. It can’t happen and it won’t.”

JJ fought back so hard, “No, you aren’t going to push me away and shove your feelings down because I’m not who I was years ago. Emily, you WILL NOT leave me again. Whether that be emotionally or physically. I won’t go through that again.” Emily stood up and walked to her front door as if she was about to leave. JJ ran up to her, “Really? You’re just going to leave again, huh. After what we just talked about, you always leave? Wow Emily, real original.” 

Grabbing her coat and keys she heard every word she was saying but there was only one more thing she had to say before she walked out. She opened the door and just as she stepped out she stood face to face with JJ, inches apart, “Go ahead and yell at me for leaving but last time I checked based on who you’re going home to tonight, you Jennifer don’t have the right to tell me what I can and cannot say or do.” 

With that, she was gone and JJ went to the kitchen to chug down the rest of that bottle. She left the keys she had to the brunettes house in the key holder by the door and left not long after in an Uber. Tara and Garcia were still at the table eating cheese as they were trying to comprehend what just unfolded in front of them. Tara was sober by this point and was struggling to understand why they were so stupid many years ago. She turned to Penelope who was not nearly as drunk as she was earlier on, “I’m sober, wanna just crash at my place?” quickly replying yes, she grabbed the bottle of wine left over that had at least half left and they were out too. 

Tara could only wonder how different the team would have been if they ended up together years ago. Would they of had kids? Would Emily still have left the bureau? Would she even be the unit chief? So many questions went through her brain on the drive home and based on the argument she just watched, she would never get to see any of them truly happy because from the moment she walked onto that team and heard the way JJ talked about Emily she knew there had to of been something there. She eventually got home and tucked Garcia safely in the sheets of her bed with Tylenol on the nightstand. She fell asleep not too long after hoping that eventually, her two friends would find a way some way to be together...but there was more doubt in her mind than hope.


End file.
